Pondering Purpose

On September 11 2001, I had just left Sun Microsystems. The plan was to spend a few weeks recovering from the extreme burnout I was feeling, then get another job.

Somehow, my plan changed after planes were crashed into New York, Virginia and Pennsylvania. I felt compelled, by a force that would not be denied, to follow a path closer to my heart. That turned out to be starting my Evangelist Marketing business. 

I knew how long to give myself. If Evangelist Marketing did not reach my desired run rate by then, I’d get another job. Who could have imagined that the worst case scenario would be slipping down a rabbit hole into Chronic Fatigue & Fibromyalgia?

I wonder now about the burnout I was feeling. I think I already had a milder version of CFS/FMS, which got triggered into a severe, disabling case when I had major surgery in 2005.

I called Sun that day to check on my ex-team. One of my former employees was trapped in Canada because all planes had been grounded, but everybody was okay.

Another phone call was to Lisa. We had spent Monday September 10 having fun in downtown San Francisco, and celebrating my new found freedom. It now looked like it had actually been our last day of innocence.

On September 11 2001, I couldn’t possibly have accepted what was to come in my life. But having made it through what feels like a decade in the underworld, I’m going to mark September 11 2011, by pondering my life’s purpose. I want to clarify why I’m working so hard to recover. I want to do my best to ensure that I’m fulfilling my soul’s potential. And I believe that my experience of the last decade means that I get to be better than ever in the next one.

I wish you, my dear Realitynibs reader, the achievement of your soul’s wishes for your life. That, as far as I’m concerned, is true freedom.

3 thoughts on “Pondering Purpose

  1. Pondering purpose is just the right thing to do on any difficult anniversary. It’s too easy to get caught up either in sentiment or in self-absorption, neither of which leads us to wise action. Purpose is about the intersection of what we need to do and what the world needs, AsFrederick Buechner puts it, “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”

    • Deborah, Deborah, Deborah. That’s just beautiful. And brilliant. Your comment literally helped me understand my own words at a deeper level. Which is good because when I wrote this post, I myself was not sure where it had come from. Thank you.

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