I put some toothpaste on my toothbrush, and raised the brush to my mouth.
“Oh Gawd,” I thought to myself. “Again with brushing my teeth?”
And that’s how it was. Everyday things were such a struggle that it had become a thing. At one point, I had to start my day by brushing my teeth, then lie down for a while, then wash my face. Showers were carefully timed for days when nothing else was imperative. This was better than when I couldn’t get out of bed but it was hard to feel any gratitude. Continue reading →
“The only time I’ve seen results this bad was with a patient who told me stories like, “My mother got me through the Holocaust and when we made it to the States she killed herself.””
By 2008, I was being treated by a department at California Pacific Medical Center that specializes in complex cases. One of the first things they did was a neurotransmitter test and their reaction to my test results clued me in to the connection between trauma and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
I looked back at my life. What could equal the Holocaust combined with a mother’s suicide? It was obvious to me that as a young child, I had experienced my parents’ divorce in a traumatic way. It wasn’t the fact that they divorced; it was the way they didn’t appear to hold anything back in using me against each other. I imagine that when I continued to do well at school (albeit a little less so), the effects of their behavior on me were too subtle to get their attention. Continue reading →
The winds of grace are blowing perpetually; we have just to raise our sails. –Ramakrishna
I heard somewhere that if you do the work of getting 51% of the way to your goal, grace will carry you the rest of the way. Aren’t I there yet? Grace, where are you? By the way, what is grace?
After my life narrowed to trying to get out of bed, I went through a few medical doctors, then a few naturopathic doctors. Then I went for something radical and tried Dr. Young’s pH miracle protocol. I improved and thought that was the final answer. Sadly, no. Not exactly. Continue reading →
I was in a flat somewhere in Edinburgh, Scotland when I got into a conversation about Euclidean geometry. My fellow undergraduate was studying mathematics (I was getting a Bachelor’s in chemistry), and had just learned a system of mapping three dimensional space using circles. This meant that what we had all been taught as children – x, y and z axes that were straight lines – was merely a particular way of looking at things. It had come from Euclid‘s approach to describing shapes mathematically. Instead of looking at space as being made of cubes and straight lines, you can look at it as circles and spheres. What we’d been taught as the way to map 3D space was actually just one way, based on one man’s theory. Whoa.
Then there’s the theory of light. First Newton said rays of light were made up of a series of particles or corpuscles (the corpuscular theory of light). My memory gets a little sketchy here but I believe this competed with a wave theory of light for a while. Sometime in the nineteenth century, someone set up an experiment to test which theory was correct. The wave theory correctly predicted the results of the experiment and won the day until Einstein came along. I can’t tell you what is happening on the pioneering edge of physics today but I do know that as recently as when I was in high school (or not so recently) quantum physics helped us to equate the corpuscular nature with the wave-like nature of light. Whenever I solved problems in Advanced-level physics, I knew how to choose which equations to use based on which aspect of light I was dealing with. Continue reading →
Realitynibs is taking some time for hibernation. I need to settle into my new place, put the finishing touches on the Realitynibs.com Sponsorship Program and plan my 2011 healing. I don’t know whether I’ll be completely recovered by the end of the year but I will be better than I am now.
All these things take money, so I will be working on ensuring that too! In the meantime I’d love to hear from you. What have you liked best about Realitynibs.com? What about least? Do make good use of the comment box below! Continue reading →
“So let me get this straight. You were kidnapped, imprisoned, then abused by your rescuer?” Maureen summarized.
I wanted to prove her wrong. I had to show her that it wasn’t quite like that. She mustn’t reduce my smart, worldly parents to such shocking terms. But as I searched unsuccessfully for proof to support my feelings, I had to accept that she was right. Being flown first class to the best schools in the world does not change these facts.
My mother left my dad just before my ninth birthday. She dropped me off with friends who were instructed not to let me go outside, then disappeared. After a week or two, I was taken to an uncle’s home where I was locked in a room. Suddenly and unexpectedly, my dad walked in. I was thrilled to return home with him! That is, until he moved his girlfriend in. Continue reading →
I listened in horror to my voicemail. Somehow, it had recorded a conversation between my father and a friend of his. The incisions on my tummy had only just become painless in September 2005. But no longer. Apparently, my body couldn’t take listening to less than flattering words from my own parent.
Later his friend tried to justify my dad’s behavior. “Devin” had expressed anger because my father was nowhere to be found while his daughter prepared for, then underwent, major surgery. Father was only reacting to that anger. “At any point in all this, did he ask how I am?” I inquired. Silence. Continue reading →