One of many reasons might be that they were describing things I’ve had to figure out on my own in the midst of both medical misunderstanding and social isolation. So I began to wonder, how would I have told myself to pursue recovery given what I know today? Since my case has been unusually severe, I suspect that at least some of the advice that I’m about to give to my past self would be useful for many ME/CFS patients today. Continue reading →
“The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.” – Mulan True or false? When do you bloom best?
When I read the quote in today’s prompt, I wanted to say, “Well it better be true. I’ll make it true for me!” Then I remembered that I’m learning to “allow” rather than “make”. I am allowing this quote to be true.
I get the whole thing about “making” life happen and it’s how I survived parents that I found to be scarily unreliable. But my body has now declared that this is not working. I didn’t know it but I was locked in a stressful approach to life at a fundamental level. Continue reading →
I put some toothpaste on my toothbrush, and raised the brush to my mouth.
“Oh Gawd,” I thought to myself. “Again with brushing my teeth?”
And that’s how it was. Everyday things were such a struggle that it had become a thing. At one point, I had to start my day by brushing my teeth, then lie down for a while, then wash my face. Showers were carefully timed for days when nothing else was imperative. This was better than when I couldn’t get out of bed but it was hard to feel any gratitude. Continue reading →
The dream itself didn’t seem unusual. But I woke up that day in July 2009, really struck by it. It had an insistent quality to it like someone knocking hard on a door to get your attention.
Have you ever had a physical? In my experience, it looks like any other doctor’s appointment. The doctor asks a few questions, orders a few tests. In Hollywood movies however, they seem to involve the patient on a treadmill, hooked up by wires to monitors that are observed by a technician. My dream looked rather like a physical in a Hollywood movie. Continue reading →
Stop. Freeze frame. Before I recount any more of this story, I must emphasize that I can scarcely believe it myself. As I prepared to write today, I considered going back to the recordings of my sessions with Maureen. But that’s not necessary. I remember the parts that I am relaying here. And anyway, I am saving my energy for writing. Play on… Continue reading →