Reason Departed

His hand was literally on the handle of my front door. “Wait,” I said, feeling really silly. “I have one more question.”

“Morgan” came back into my apartment and I asked him a question I thought I’d never pose, even to myself.

It had all begun when I noticed a book sitting on a shelf in my Classical Acupuncturist‘s office and asked to borrow it. Soon I had finished reading Many Lives Many Masters and was rather obsessively borrowing Brian Weiss‘ other books from my local library.

“Uh oh,” I thought to myself. “I’ve seen this before. What’s about to happen this time?”

In 1994, I obsessively began reading books about near death experiences. “I can’t take this anymore,” my friend Aaron said, after I commented for the umpteenth time that I felt like something big was about to happen. “I think you should talk to somebody.”  Continue reading

Why Ask Why?


I could feel the panic rising inside me. It was 2007 and I had finally found out what was wrong with me after two years. But this had the effect of burning up my savings faster as I pursued treatment. It was like running at top speed towards the edge of a cliff. You need momentum in order to have a chance of taking off into the air. But you might fall over the edge. To make matters worse, my improvement appeared to be stalling.

There was nothing else to do except call Tracy Beckerley. “Why did I get Chronic Fatigue?” I had met Tracy at my birthday celebration during healthier times. The party favor was a fifteen minute Tarot card reading and I loved the way Tracy combined her psychology degree with intuitive skills.  Continue reading

Listening Post 2011

Realitynibs is taking some time for hibernation. I need to settle into my new place, put the finishing touches on the Sponsorship Program and plan my 2011 healing. I don’t know whether I’ll be completely recovered by the end of the year but I will be better than I am now.

All these things take money, so I will be working on ensuring that too! In the meantime I’d love to hear from you. What have you liked best about What about least? Do make good use of the comment box below! Continue reading

Twelve Chronic Fatigue Triggers and Their Gifts

I happened to reconnect with my father’s sister shortly after I first fell sick six years ago. I hadn’t seen her since I was about seven years old. When I was having difficulty recovering from surgery about a year later, she mentioned that she’d gone through something similar. She too had undergone a myomectomy as a young woman and found herself unable to function afterwards. “How will I ever return to my law practice if I can’t even read the newspaper?” she’d asked herself. It took about six months but she eventually got better.

I now recognize her symptoms as meeting the minimum definition of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which suggests that I have (1)a genetic predisposition to this disease. Not only did reconnecting with her give me access to this information, I managed to summon the courage to tell her about the inexplicable, special connection I have always felt with her. She told me she’d always felt the same way… Continue reading

Professional Organizer Meets Chronic Fatigue!

Welcome to the first podcast!

Please click image or here to listen to this podcast.

“As children we’re often pushed by our parents and teachers and with good reason. Like mother earth … they want us to fly. And it can be difficult to understand when someone does not need a push, they’ve developed invisible limitations.”

Margaret Lukens helped me a lot during the first few years of my dealing with Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia. For most of that time, I simply didn’t know what was wrong with me. In this first podcast, she had many insightful things to say about handling chronic illness both from the patient’s point of view and from the perspective of friends and relatives. It was nice to have a good laugh about things that had been quite serious when they took place! Continue reading

Chronic Fatigue Wardrobe

Or, How to Build a Wardrobe on the Internet

I can do anything as long as I can figure out what to wear for it. That’s right, I said it! You might think that makes me a ridiculously shallow fashionista. But it’s merely an outward expression of inner, even spiritual, preparation.

Wardrobes don’t have to be just for conventionally noble projects such as a job search, pregnancy or going on holiday. They could also be for meeting a long cherished goal or adjusting to a new lifestyle … like a downsized lifestyle. Earning a fraction of what you used to make when Bill Clinton was President or needing to tone down your designer looks in solidarity with your battered community isn’t so bad if you can figure out the appropriate clothes! Continue reading

Ask for What You Want

In my opinion, the first treatment step for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and/or Fibromyalgia should be telling the patient to read this essay. Maybe it should be the first step in response to any human condition, from love to fear. It is reprinted here by permission of Jacob Teitelbaum, M.D., who published it in his book From Fatigued to Fantastic!

Ask for What You Want

by Bren Jacobson

Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains.

–Jean Jacques Rousseau

As a counselor for the past thirty-five years, I have worked with many, many people who have overcome chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. Through this experience, I have come to the conclusion that enlisting the aid of someone who can see the situation in a more detached and objective way is one of the quickest ways you can find your way out of the maze of CFS/FMS. Just treating the body without bringing the mind, emotions, and spirit into balance is, at best, a partial solution and often only a temporary one. Enlisting the aid of a guide or counselor, meanwhile, can help you figure out what you want and how to most effectively express those desires so as to enlist the help of others. This is not because one is broken and needs to be fixed, but because it is a shortcut to returning to a healthy and vital life and it enriches one’s life and relationships. Continue reading


How will I know when I have recovered? This question is not as easy as it may first appear.

My original plan for recovery was to go back to what I was doing. This was Evangelist Marketing, a business I’d just started and, a social life! I assumed getting better would be a small detour. There were some concerns in my mind about whether I would be able to handle running a solo business but I’m a responsible person and the backup plan of getting another job was acceptable to me.

That was five years and seven months ago. Continue reading

Amazing Coincidence

It was about 3am early to middle 2007. Dr. Young’s protocol was bringing me improvement but my sleep had continued to deteriorate. In desperation, I got out of bed and onto the internet where I discovered “Say Good Night to Insomnia: A Drug-Free Program Developed at Harvard Medical School”.

The data from the first week of tracking my sleep was shocking. Three hours a night? This was no way to heal! As I followed the program in the book, I hit a bump with the step where I was supposed to listen to a “Relaxation Response” recording. The phone number in the appendix was no longer Dr. Jacobs’. Continue reading